A wild camper starting a fire.
“Look I started a fire with my Zippo!”
  1.  The Campers

If you’ve been to any big festival, you’ve probably been exposed to the wonderful feature called a “camping ground”. This poor piece of land is sacrificed to the festival goers as a stomping ground and extended party pad for when the last act of the night finishes. This is where you will find the “campers.”

These “nature loving” people will come for the experience of being in the great outdoors-ish! They say they love to experience the way humans lived before industrialisation, you know… back in the day when we had 60-foot-tall speakers and music loud enough to scare away the entire population of wild animals for the next year.

In reality, the campers are there for the large gathering of people that are forced to party until the festival ends and they tear their tent down (or put the seats back in their mother’s minivan).

Guy knowing more than anyone should about a band.
“I can’t believe you didn’t know Father John Misty was a member of Fleet Foxes.”
  1.       The People Who Know Every Band Playing

At a concert, standing beside someone who knows every word to every song can be one of three things; terrible for your ears, comforting if you also know every word, or completely intimidating as you mumble along trying to prove you deserve to call yourself a fan as well. This species is a close relative.

At a festival the extreme kicks in. Not only do they know every word to every song, but they also know every band on every stage, and the origin to each one. If you find yourself lined up for beer or food and you decide to be friendly and ask the person beside you “who are you here to see?” and they list off more than 4 bands, forget about the food and drinks and get out of there as fast as possible.

“This band is music. Look at them music.”
  1.       The Stoners Who Don’t Know Any Band Playing

On the other end of the spectrum you’ll find these guys. This group of fine individuals will most likely spend the majority of the festival crowded around a baggie of marijuana in the forested area, or in the crowd blowing out their smoke in clouds as thick as possible so everyone around them knows they smoke weed.

These people often don’t know a single act at the festival, they are simply there to get stoned, and tell anyone who thinks weed isn’t harmless that they are being fooled by “big pharma man!”*

*Stoner voice

Actual P.O.V of a Raver.
P.O.V of a Raver. No one really knows whats happening.
  1.        The Ravers

The stoners don’t seem so bad once you run into this group of people. The raver’s natural habitat is a place called “the electronic stage”. As long as the music is made completely on a computer and has multiple “drops” this group will be there.

Instead of eating or drinking, the raver’s will consume only MDMA, or as they call it “molly”. They are simply there for the sweaty dancing and the “experience”.

Tell-tale signs of this particular group of people are; people who look like they’ve been on a water ride (they’re just sweating out the drugs), people who look like demons (their pupils are just friggen huge), and underage kids who can’t drink but carry around colourful back packs and loudly exclaim “I’m so messed up dude!”

Actual view from a rich kid.
  1.       The People Whose Parents Bought Them VIP

Spoiled f***** brats.


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